


Death's Domain

by dieOtter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, character's death (but only sort of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 12:55:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6117097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dieOtter/pseuds/dieOtter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tessa the Reaper never understood why people feared death. She couldn't, she was the one who brought it. But now she's human and Dean might be dying, so it isn't so simple for her any more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death's Domain

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, you got it right, the title is borrowed from Mr Pratchett himself. But don't expect similar content or even similar mood. Beta-read by FictionalNutter.

Dean opened his eyes and blinked several times. It didn't help much, since the darkness surrounding him was almost impenetrable. He forced his confused mind to recall what had just happened. He and Sam had been investigating a series of murders, which finally had lead them to a reaper who had gone mad and decided taking people's lives from them was so much fun he wouldn't wait for orders to do so. They had managed to find a spell that had summoned the reaper, but then something must have gone wrong.

“Sammy!” He called, not sure whether to be worried or relieved when he didn't hear an answer. He stood up, happy that at least nothing hurt. Looking around, he realized he was in a forest, and it took him only a couple of steps to emerge into a small clearing, which had much better lighting.

“Dean!” A female voice made him turn and reach for his gun, though he didn't take it out. The woman walked slowly into the light of the moon and he finally recognized her. It was Tessa, one of the reapers he had met before. If he could see a reaper, did it mean that...?  
“Am I dying?”  
“If you can see me, then probably yes.”  
“Probably?” It wasn't an answer he was expecting.  
“Look, Anthony, the reaper you were looking for, was once a friend of mine. I was also investigating this case with my partner, Victor, but when we were close to catching him, you two summoned him and helped him escape!”  
Dean didn't like the accusation in her tone. “Hey, we didn't know someone on your side cared!” He could feel anger boiling inside him. He fucking wasn't going to die yet!  
It didn't seem to bother Tessa though. “Why do you always have to interfere?! It wasn't your problem!” The reaper seemed to be shaken up as well, which cooled Dean a bit.  
“Okay, what's going on?” he asked her, forcing his fists to unclench.  
“He's much more powerful than he should be,” she admitted hesitantly. “He somehow managed to send us away.”  
“How far away? Where's Sam?”  
“I don't know!” She was almost shouting now, all the usual reaper's calmness gone. “He did something to me! I seem not to have my full... abilities right now.”  
“You can't take us back there?” the hunter wanted to make sure.  
“No, I don't even know where we are.”  
“Okay, then let's find the nearest road,” he decided and turned away from her, letting his anger slightly out of control, knowing it would give him the strength to carry on.  
“Dean, wait! What are you going to do?”  
Her attempt to stop him was ignored.  
“I'm not leaving my brother with that bastard alone!” Dean shouted back as he started to run.  
“Dean, you're a ghost! Don't you realize it's out of your power to do anything now?” She knew the hunter well enough to not be surprised that he didn't listen, so she just cursed and followed him. He was fast, she had to admit that, and she still fell confused and weakened after whatever Anthony had done her. Maybe that was why she stayed behind far enough to see two surprisingly bright lights on her right just in time.

“Dean!” Tessa yelled, watching with terror as an old truck emerged from behind the bushes and hit the hunter at full speed. Dean's body flew into the air as if it was nothing more than a feather, and landed on the ground with a heavy thud. The truck stopped and a completely shocked driver emerged from his seat.  
“Oh God, I'm sorry! I didn't see him, it was too dark, I'm so sorry!”  
Tessa shook her head. It was impossible! He shouldn't be able to see either her or Dean, unless he was already dead, which he wasn't, that she was sure of. Whatever had just happened wasn't even possible! There was no chance a living man could hit and hurt a ghost like that, and yet Dean was lying on his side on the wet grass, unmoving.

The driver managed to get over the initial shock and he grabbed her arm.  
“Miss! Call the ambulance!” He said slowly but firmly, obviously suspecting she was in shock. She sure as hell was! No matter how hard she had tried to ignore the suspicion that had risen to her mind, now she knew it was true. Dean wasn't a ghost – she was human.

She didn't have time to dwell on that, though, as a cell phone was shoved in her hand.  
“Call 911!” The man repeated and left her. Hands shaking for the first time in her whole existence, she dialed the number and managed to say everything she should without stumbling, glad for a moment for how often she had witnessed similar situations.  
“They're coming,” she announced calmly as she joined the elderly man at Deans side. “How is he?”  
The driver looked at her with surprise.  
“No idea,” he answered with a nervous shrug. “He's breathing, but he's unconscious. I'm not a doctor, miss, as far as I can tell, he could have broken anything.”  
Tessa nodded slowly. Not long ago she had been able to sense such things. Now the truth was Dean could be dying and she wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Suddenly it occurred to her that she could finally understand why humans were so scared in moments like this. It wasn't even the fact you could lose someone. It was the uncertainty that was killing you.

  
~*~

  
The first thing Dean noticed was the noise of many people surrounding him, all talking at the same time. Then there were hands, touching him, poking and probing, and the pain hit him, making him hiss and hold his breath.  
“He's waking up!” said the voice closest to him. “Hey, buddy, open your eyes for us, will you?” He didn't want to, didn't care, but there were hands on his face, the voice grew urgent, and finally he yielded. Light blinded him for a moment, but even when his eyes got used to it, he couldn't see much. He tried to adjust his position and realized there was a cervical collar stabilizing his neck and forcing him to look at the ceiling.  
“What's your name, buddy?” An elderly woman appeared in his vision.  
“Dean,” he croaked. He didn't even realize there was an oxygen mask over his face until the woman, probably a nurse, pulled it aside.  
“Hello, Dean. You're in a hospital. Do you remember what happened?” He let his eyelids fall for a while. He was with Sammy, fighting a reaper. Then he was in some forest with Tessa. But that wasn't real, it was just his spirit... wasn't it?  
“It's okay, it'll all come back.” The woman must have misinterpreted his confusion, because she stroked his forehead in a soothing, almost motherly gesture.  
“Dean, I'm Doctor Bond. Peter, not James, okay?” Another voice, this time male, forced him to open his eyes. “Can you tell me where it hurts?”  
“Leg...” Dean wondered for a moment. “The right one. Chest. Belly.”  
“Can you wriggle your toes?” He obviously succeeded, since the doctor continued. “Okay, look, Dean, I'm going to press some spots and you tell me where it hurts worst. Deal?”  
Dean just blinked, too tired to answer. He could feel the doctor's gloved hands gently pressing his collarbones, then his ribcage, which forced another muffled groan out of him. When the man moved to his abdomen, the groan turned into a scream.  
“Shh, it's okay, you'll feel better soon.” The elderly nurse reattached his oxygen mask and went back to gently stroking his forehead. No matter how chick flick it was, he enjoyed the touch. It calmed him, grounded him, while the doctor continued his examination. His hands moved on to the patient's hips, and it was then Dean suddenly realized he was lying completely naked in front of all these people. He wanted to protest, but he couldn't find the strength, and soon it was all forgotten in a new wave of pain, as he was carefully turned on his side so that the doctor could examine his back.  
“Dean? I need you to hold very still for a minute, okay?” said Dr. Bond after he was lying flat on his back again. “I need to take the neck brace off to see if everything's okay there.”  
Dean murmured his agreement, closing his eyes, suddenly uncomfortable with the doctor's proximity to his face. He felt the nurse's gentle hands move to the sides of his head, probably to stabilize it if he tried not to obey the doctor's orders. Just as if they didn't trust me, he smiled wryly at his thoughts, as he felt the collar being carefully eased off his neck. Cold, gloved fingers touched his skin, making him shiver, and soon the brace was put back in its place. Nothing hurts there, so maybe at least my spine is fine, he thought with a flicker of hope, suddenly scared at the realization of the dangers of a broken spine.  
“Are you still with us, buddy?” A gentle shake once more forced him back to the reality.  
“Uhmm...” he hoped such answer would be enough. The pain was getting worse and worse every minute.  
“Do you need something for pain?” They were obviously good at reading him. Wasn't that a bad sign? He didn't care anymore. He caught a phrase “more morphine” and sighed with a relief.  
“Okay, Dean, listen to me. You have a broken femur and you'll need a surgery for this soon, but first we want to do some X-rays and a CT scan to find out what is causing the pain in your chest and belly, okay? Will you be okay for a little bit more?”  
Say “okay” once more and I'll kill you, Dean thought, but he didn't have the energy to do anything more than blink and let them do whatever they wanted with him.

~*~

“Are you Dean Connor's family?” Tessa almost missed the fact that the question was directed at her before she realized that Dean must have had documents with a false name on them.  
“I'm his friend. How is he?” She asked the doctor, perfectly mimicking the way she had seen people say it so many times before.  
“He's bleeding inside his abdominal cavity, and we need to find the source and repair the damage as quickly as possible, so he's being made ready for surgery as we speak. He also has three fractured ribs, a slight concussion, and a broken femur that will need to be surgically attended to as well, but right now the internal bleeding is our main concern, okay?” Tessa nodded before it occurred to her that it wasn't actually a question. The doctor continued. “Is there any family that should be notified?”  
“Yes, his brother,” said Tessa hesitantly. How the hell was she going to contact Sam? “Could you give me his cell phone?” She asked after a moment of thinking. “I need a number from it.”  
“I'm sorry, but Dean's phone was in his pocket during the accident and it has been completely damaged.” The doctor shook his head. “We'll keep you informed, okay?”  
“Okay,” Tessa repeated without even realizing it, and silently cursed the man's speaking habit. The doctor left and she followed a young man, probably a student, to a waiting room. She sat in one of the empty chairs and eyed the other people there. There weren't many, not a crowd by any means, but enough to feel she wasn't alone. She had seen a lot of similar rooms. Her 'customers' often wanted to have that last look at their family before they went. She didn't like the idea of keeping your ties with this life when you were just leaving it for good, but she usually let them do it. For some strange reason they needed it, even though it made them more upset as they left. She looked at a family in the corner and wondered who it was they were waiting for and what news they were to hear soon. She used to know such things. She'd look at a person and she'd know when he or she would meet their end. Now she realized that it was indeed hard to wait here without that knowledge. Was Dean going to really die this time? A few hours ago she wouldn't have cared. Not because she was bad., it was simply because she knew everybody had their own fate, everybody needed to die at their time. It was just how it worked, no emotions would make a difference. From her side, death wasn't a bad thing. It was just a change, going from one place, which, if she was to tell the truth, rather sucked in her opinion, to the other, which was a great unknown. Was she equally indifferent now? She wasn't so sure.

Hours passed and nothing happened at all. To her surprise, Tessa started feeling rather sleepy. She looked with longing at the coffee machine in the corner. She wasn't even sure why. She'd never drunk or eaten anything during her whole existence. Was it the fact she simply knew people would drink coffee when they needed an extra shot of energy? Or was it her new human body reminding her of its existence? She didn't have any money, though, so she chased that idea away and concentrated on watching the people around her. She didn't even notice when her eyes closed and she dozed off. She woke up suddenly when a kid ran close to her. The family in the corner was finally moving, big smiles on their faces telling her they had heard good news. An elderly couple across from her were crying, the woman's face hidden in her hands, the man's tears flowing down his cheeks for everyone to see. Tessa tried to ignore them, but the crying got louder and it was making her feel strangely embarrassed and unsure. She considered giving up and closing her eyes again when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. She looked up, startled, and saw a woman in her sixties with a steaming cup extended towards her.  
“You look like you need it.” The woman smiled and forced the cup into a surprised Tessa's hand.  
“Thank you,” she finally answered and took a small sip. It didn't taste half as good as she thought it would. She still drank more, enjoying the strange feeling of a hot liquid filling her insides.  
“Family emergency?” The woman asked as she dropped on a chair next to her.  
“My friend had an accident,” Tessa explained shortly.  
“Nothing bad, I hope?”  
“He's in surgery.” She didn't want to think about what it meant. “What about you?” she finally asked, hoping to steer the talk away from her.  
“I came with my husband.” The woman's face went sad for a moment. “He's had his third heart attack. Frankly, I don't think he's going to make it this time.”  
For the first time in her existence the ex-reaper didn't know how to behave. “I'm sorry.” To her surprise, she really was.  
“No, it's alright.” The woman forced a smile. “You know, I think I got used to that thought a while ago. Tim was getting more and more ill, and I was so terrified I was gonna lose him. But one day he just said to me, 'Donna, stop it! You've got many years ahead of you and you're not gonna waste it on mourning. If I go, it means I moved to a better place and I'm waiting there for you. Have fun, woman, live your life and you'll join me in your own time.'” She gave out a short laugh. “He's always right, you know? So I believed him and started accepting the fact he's going to leave me one day soon. It's not that I'm not sad. I just know there's nothing I can do apart from accepting the fact he's gone and moving on with my life, so when we finally meet again I don't have to listen when he scolds me.” She laughed again and shook her head. “I'm sorry, I wasn't going to bore you with my problems. Drink your coffee in peace and don't listen to an old woman. I'm sure your friend is going to be fine.”  
“You're really wonderful, you know?”  
“Me? No, my Tim is.” The woman answered with a warm smile, then stood up and walked away, leaving her confused companion alone.

Tessa herself was surprised by the words she to the woman. Donna was saying exactly what reapers believed in. The way she said it, however, so full of love and hope despite everything, even though it wasn't hard to see the pain and sadness she held under firm control as she tried to put her brave face on, touched the ex-reaper more than she'd ever admit. To her, that woman was a real hero. Tessa the reaper learned one more new emotion that day: compassion.

 

~*~

  
“Quickly, we're losing him!”

Dean opened his eyes and sat up, looking around with confusion. White, red and greenish-blue were the dominating colors. There was a flurry of activity around him, a lot of noise, but no pain. Slowly the realization dawned on him. He was in an operating room. The redness was blood: it covered his torso, as well as the hands of the doctors. But if it was a surgery, his surgery, shouldn't he be asleep? He looked back at the anesthesiologist, whose full attention was directed at some monitor to his left. Then he looked down and, to his shock, his eyes rested on his own face, eyes firmly closed, a ventilator tube protruding from his mouth. It was his surgery indeed. And it looked like he wasn't doing very well. He might have been dying a little. Or maybe even more than just a little...

Aware of the fact it was just his spirit moving, he jumped off the bed and looked around. He quickly found what he was looking for. A tall, copper-skinned man in a suit stood quietly in the corner, but as he noticed Dean's gaze, he moved forward and extended his hand.  
“I'm Victor, nice to meet you.”  
“Forget it!” Dean hissed and took a step back. “I'm not going with you!”  
“Of course you aren't.” The man smiled casually at him, which only made the hunter more furious.  
“Look, I know exactly what you are and you may as well go fuck yourself, 'cause I'm not planning on dying today!”  
“I know,” answered the reaper calmly, still smiling. That cooled Dean off for a moment.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean I didn't come here for you, Dean. I just want to talk.”  
“About what?” The older Winchester still eyed the man with suspicion.  
“About Tessa. She was my friend. We were working together and, as you probably know, we were trying to stop one of our colleagues from making a terrible mistake...”  
“A mistake?” Dean snorted. “He was killing people for fun!”  
“Indeed, he wasn't perfectly sane.”  
“You mean he went nuts?”  
“You could say that.” The reaper seemed to be slightly offended by his companion's use of language. Nevertheless, he continued. “He managed to gain a power much greater than that of a reaper. He became strong enough to attack his partners and deprive them of their powers.”  
“What do you mean? What did he do to us?”  
“To you nothing more than transferring you to a remote place, but Tessa is now one of you, Dean. A human.”  
“What?” Dean looked at the reaper with surprise. Back in the forest they were both sure he was a spirit, while it seemed that things were just the opposite. But then, what was he doing in the hospital if it wasn't the rogue reaper's doing?  
“Look, Dean, I don't have time to explain.” Victor pointed to the surgical team. “They're going to get you back soon and our meeting will be over. I need you to tell Tessa one thing when you wake up. Tell her that if she wants to return to us, her human form must die! Don't forget to tell her that!” The reaper's voice started coming from further and further away, and finally it died completely, as silence and darkness enveloped Dean once again.

~*~

  
There was no way of letting Sam know what was happening, so a few hours later Tessa found herself sitting at Dean's bedside in the ICU alone. Dr. Bond had come to her after the surgery to explain that everything had gone perfectly okay, the patient had been stable and should wake up soon. The first feeling that had entered her head was relief, so great it had made her feel ashamed of herself. She was a reaper, for heaven's sake! She shouldn't be afraid of people dying! But now, as she was siting there, looking at Dean's unconscious form, multiple tubes and other equipment protruding from his body that looked so fragile in a big hospital bed, she couldn't stop herself from worrying. She felt as if she was in a way dirty, tainted, damaged by the human part in her. She hated that feeling, the uncertainty, the helplessness, the fear of remaining stuck in here for a lifetime. Of being left alone in a world she maybe knew, but didn't understand. She blinked, not sure if the wetness in her eyes was the effect of that fear or just of a muffled yawn. Are you really that weak? She snorted to herself and blinked with more energy. She suddenly realized she was tired, very tired, and a little bit hungry. The sole existence of feelings so human in their substance in her made her flinch. That's what life looked like, then? Eating, drinking, sleeping, going to the bathroom and constantly being afraid of what was going to happen... Was she going to go through all this alone? She met people every day, and suddenly it occurred to her she didn't know them at all. What to her was stupidity and weakness, now she saw more like a sign of true courage. She recalled the short talk with Donna and smiled a sad smile. It seemed like an ordinary woman was stronger, wiser than she was right now.

She looked back to Dean, and for the first time let her mind wonder what would happen if he didn't wake up. Facing this new life alone scared her more that she could think of. And there was something more to it, not only the fear of being left without a guardian in this strange world. There was an actual fear of losing that man, her friend, of him just dying and leaving her for good. For the first time in history, a reaper was afraid of death.

Dean moaned softly under his oxygen mask, making Tessa snap out of her sad thoughts. She softly called his name, but he didn't answer, just tossed his head back and went back to sleep. The next time he woke up he muttered something that to her sounded pretty close to “Sammy”. His eyelids fluttered open but didn't stay that way for longer than a second. He groaned quietly and moved his hand, as if searching for something or someone, so Tessa gently took it in hers. His fingers closed around it and squeezed, surprisingly hard for a man half conscious. He gave out a few more muffled moans, causing the nurse assigned to him decide to give him something for pain. As they were waiting for the woman to prepare it, Tessa, now fully aware of the distress he was in, started gently stroking the hand she was holding. To her content, he seemed to relax a little bit, and soon after the meds were in his IV he fell asleep again. His hand was still firmly holding hers, so she let him have that and only moved her chair closer to make her position more comfortable. It looked as if it was going to be a long night.

Dean was drifting in and out of sleep for the next few hours, but the sole fact that he was showing some signs of life calmed Tessa, and she slowly let herself doze off for a while, her hand still encircled by his.

Dean had a mild fever, which combined with the pain and the medication, made him rather confused and uneasy when he woke up. To her surprise, when once again during the night his pain got worse, Tessa found herself gently stroking his sweat-covered forehead with her free hand, just like she had seen so many women doing before. It came almost naturally to her, and caused a strange warmth to build over her heart. Was it what wives or mothers felt when they kept watch at their men's sickbeds? There had been so many emotions entering her body during the last hours, each of them stranger than the previous one. She was lost, completely, utterly lost, but now, sitting at Dean's bedside as his mangled body slowly healed, filled her with hope – yet another emotion she was a stranger to.

~*~

  
Tessa could still remember very well the moment when Dean fully regained consciousness. The first thing he did was withdraw his hand from hers so fast you could think it burned him. Then he asked about his brother. Sam came only a few hours later, after Tessa had called the number Dean had finally been able to give her. The younger Winchester was too concerned about his brother to even care who she was at the time, so it wasn't until much later that they finally discussed the whole case together. The decision was obvious: they had to go back and finish the rogue reaper off before more innocent people died. Now, with the information from Tessa and some help from Bobby, who joined them two days later, they finally stood a chance. Tessa was planning to go with the hunters from the very beginning, but when the serious plans were being made, to the surprise of the others and herself, she announced she was going to stay and keep Dean company. The older Winchester was itching to go as well, but despite his stubbornness, there was no chance he could go on a hunt with a leg still in a traction, not to even mention his other injuries, so finally he had to let go.

And so they stayed behind together, keeping each other company and cheering each other up. Using a false credit card from Bobby, Tessa could rent a room in a nearby motel, but she spent much more time in the hospital anyway. To her own surprise, she, who used to be a loner, now craved the hunter's company. She would watch TV with Dean, learn more and more about his car and his music, whether she wanted to or not, and bring him his favorite food when he was finally allowed to eat normally. Days and then weeks passed as she concentrated on this life with all her strength, trying to forget what was taken away from her.

  
~*~

  
It was a happy day for Dean. Sam had just called with the good news that the work had been done, and Doctor Bond (he still couldn’t stop himself from making fun of the poor man's last name) came soon after to announce that Dean could be finally released from hospital. When, like every morning, Tessa entered his room, he welcomed her with a wide grin.  
"What good stuff do you have today? A hamburger? A steak maybe?"  
"How can you eat such greasy food? It's disgusting! And rather unhealthy!" Tessa laughed back, making a face and throwing a bag at him. He caught it in mid air and looked inside. “Hot dogs? Good, very good. By the way, I thought Miss Death wouldn't care much about things like health."  
"Don't forget I'm not Miss Death anymore," she answered coldly, all her good humor gone at once.  
“Hey, I'm sorry! I didn't...” he started, but she cut him off.  
“It doesn't matter. Eat your poison.” She even managed a forced smile, but he could see that she was still sad and hurt.  
“Tessa...” he began, not sure how to proceed. He had planned to start this conversation a few times before, but somehow never got a chance. The ex-reaper didn't like to talk about her past or her future. She'd always change the topic, pretend cheerfulness that was so strange when contrasted with her normal behavior. But she was lost, she was scared, and he knew he should tell her about Victor. The problem was...  
“... I didn't remember it at first, and then I wasn't sure if it was even real,” he continued. “But now I think it was.”  
The woman sat in a chair next to his bed and fixed her gaze on him with obvious interest. He had to admit Tessa was a very good listener. Maybe it was because of her previous job; he assumed dying people weren't usually the calm, silent types.  
“During the surgery I had a... let's call it a 'near death experience'. And when I say 'near', I mean exactly that. I met your friend, Victor.” Her eyes widened, but she let him continue. “He told me something about you. It seems you can go back to be Miss Death by dying as a human.”  
“What? Why didn't you tell me?” She raised her voice.  
“I told you...” he started again, but she just shook her head.  
“All right, I know. It's okay. I'm just surprised.”  
“Tessa...” He could see she was much more shocked than he had expected her to be.  
“No, I'm fine!” She stood up, so quickly that the food bag dropped to the floor. She picked it up and put it on a chair she had just vacated. “Enjoy your breakfast!” She was already in the doorway when she said the last word. Dean looked after her, confused. Was she so impatient to get her old life back that she couldn't even say a proper goodbye? Still, if he didn't knew her better, he'd say it was fear he saw on her face.

~*~

“I thought I won't see you again!” Dean was half-sitting, half-lying in a motel bed. He flashed a wide smile when Tessa entered the room.  
“I'll leave you two alone.” Sam folded the newspaper he was reading and, after a short greeting, left the room.  
Tessa, suddenly looking very unsure, almost shy, slowly approached the bed, finally taking a careful seat on its edge. “How are you doing?” she asked gently.  
“Fine. I could get up and run a marathon, but Sammy's still in his full mother-hen mode.” Dean grinned, but when he noticed the woman didn't return it, he immediately went serious. “What is it?”  
“Dean, I'd like to ask you a question.” She was looking somewhere over his head. It worried him.  
“Okay, it looks serious., but go on.” Shit, a few weeks with Doctor Bond was enough for both of them to start using 'okay' in every second sentence!  
“What is it like? To die?” Tessa whispered. Dean sent her a shocked gaze. Was it what it was all about? She, Death's right-hand man, was afraid to die?  
“Well, you've seen more of it than me,” he started carefully. What the hell was he supposed to say?  
“It's not the same! I tried, Dean, and I can't do it. I thought about everything, overdosed drugs, hanging, jumping off a bridge or under a train! But I can't, I can't!” Tears started flowing down her face, and she didn't even attempt to wipe them. “I know I'm a reaper, it should be easy for me. But I cut my finger a week ago and it hurt, it hurt so much I almost fainted! How am I supposed to kill myself if I can't take a little wound!”  
“It was the first time you felt pain, right?” Dean sighed. “It's not actually that bad when you die. I mean, it hurts like hell, yeah, but only for a moment, and then you stop feeling anything. Besides, there are painless ways, the right kind of drug in your system would be enough to send you back to the other side without even a flinch.” How fucked up it was that he knew more about dying that death herself?  
“Will you help me, Dean?” Tessa's big, wet eyes met his for the first time that day.  
“I will. Just calm down, it's going to be okay...”

  
~*~

  
Their positions were reversed now, Tessa lying on the bed, Dean sitting at her side, his right leg resting next to hers. In his hand he held a syringe filled with something he couldn't even name, but he trusted Bobby enough to know it would work.  
“Are you ready?” he asked, reaching for Tessa's arm.  
“Yes... No!” Her fingers encircled his wrist and she sat up.  
“It won't hurt, I promise. Just a sting,” he reassured her.  
“I know. I trust you. I... I guess I just wanted to thank you for everything.”  
“Nah, don't mention that.”  
“But really, Dean, if it wasn't for you...”  
He didn't let her finish. “Look, Tessa, if someone should be grateful, it's me. You were with me all the time in the hospital, you kept me grounded, you kept me sane! You think I don't remember you holding my hand?” Or stroking my hair... nah, maybe it's better if she doesn't know I remember that. “It meant a lot, really. So, thank you.”  
She sent him a sad smile. “I learned all about what it is like to be human, didn't I?”  
“Yeah, you went through almost every possible experience.” He smiled back at her.  
To his surprise, she drew nearer and gently kissed his lips.  
“Now I did.” She laid back and extended her arm towards him. “Do it.”  
Dean, stupefied, just sat and stared at her for a moment, all his senses suddenly rebelling against what he was going to do.  
“Do it, I'll be fine,” she urged him. Looking into her eyes he realized there wasn't so much fear in them anymore, although they were filled with tears. He forced a smile, which was more of a failure, but it didn't matter now, did it? Then he carefully injected the drug into her vein and grabbed her hand, stroking it awkwardly until her eyes closed for good.


End file.
